It Wasn’t Personal.

I’m sure you wonder why people do the things they do. Why they move the way they do—move funny in unthinkable ways. I used to.

We often forget to understand perspective and the light at the end of the tunnel to betrayal is acceptance. You don’t have to accept one’s behavior. However, we can grow to accept that because people were raised they were, or were not, because others have life experiences which determine the way they move, it is okay to agree that their response to your relationship or situation was not personal. This does not excuse their behavior, immoral and injustice ways of thinking, and even lack of consideration. Acceptance is for one’s personal peace.

Let us take a corporate workspace for an example. In a space where individuals are well accomplished, working towards promotion, and even working overtime for a level of financial achievement, it can lead to uncomfortable and confrontational instances. It can be come a competitive space where people try to assert their dominance. You may notice unnecessary and shallow comments, commentary of shade, and unfair decision making. You do your best everyday to come dressed appropriately, show up with optimism, stay a few minutes to hours later to spare yourself for the next day, you stay out of the way of gossip, and people still try you. Because people start to feel a level of entitlement over you, because they think they are better, because they decided to shade you, it is a reflection of their lack of self-confidence. Furthermore, it proves a low-level intellectuality and insecurity of one’s quality of life. The saying “hurt people, hurt people” is real. Therefore, because people are not living in their imagined truth, reality, and financial circumstance, they then project disorganized emotion.

Issues that ar grand are not paid attention to whereas small issues are made grand. It was not personal. It is their lack of awareness and inattention to the areas of their life that are suffering. Sometimes, one does not have to suffer to even be a person of low quality. It can simply be that they have a heightened sense of awareness and choose to continue being a bad person. They actively choose to be an individual of low character, behavior, and accountabilty. This is where you can continue to stand up for yourself in subtle ways, and continue to assert your boundaries.

Additionally, people experience difficult times in their lives that do not allow them to show up as their highest self. Some examples are a death in the family, experiencing financial downfall, domestic abuse, or even a history of being bullied. Their reaction is a response to protecting themselves of what they are going through or have gone through. It is not an excuse, however, having this understanding can save you from so much hurt and grant you the peace that you can choose to keep or extend. Surely, you must still find a way effectively communicate that people should not treat you anyhow. You are not obligated to accepting their behavior or who they are. I would also never encourage you to submit to anyone’s behavior. I strongly encourage you have a conversation or express your discontent to their behavior and actions towards you. Whether they stop or continue, it is always important to stand your ground and stand firm on what you choose to accept and tolerate.

I found this topic to be an essential one as we are living in a generation where everyone has a think piece about what you should and should not do in response to how people treat you and what you should do to get the things you want in life. Outside of this, is the reality that the actions that were taken against us are not our faults.

They are a reflection of who people are, and it is not personal to your personhood.

Sincerely,

Pitra